I Choose You!
by Marukaite Chikyuu Doitsu
Summary: CRACKFIC! you have been warned! In which a country and a human play a pokemon rip off that leads to random conversations and angry priestesses... PLOTLESS RANDOM HUMOR


MCD: I couldn't resist! X3 this half-finished plunny has been sitting on my computer and I was so tempted to finish it! Crack I came up with after watching the "China! I choose you!" episodes too many times X3

**WARNING COMPLETE PLOTLESS CRACKFIC**

**~!*!~**

**I choose you!**

**~!*!~**

_Trainer HERO chose IVAN!_

"_Kolkolkol!"_

_Trainer MIKO chose FLUFFY!_

"_Die, pest."_

Kagome laughed evilly at America's nervous expression. "Buwahahaha! You'll never defeat my Sesshoumaru-fluffy-sama!" she announced and glared at America's player on the DSi screen. America grinned, undeterred.

"No way! Your Fluffy has a totally dumb name! Besides, he's just a Russia rip-off, with that weird fluff as his scarf and the sword as Russia's pipe." he declared, picking an attack.

_Player IVAN used PIPE! It wasn't very effective... _the screen read as Russia whacked Sesshoumaru with a pipe, though only a few bars of the virtual Sesshoumaru's life disappeared. America frowned as Kagome rolled her eyes.

"No way! Sesshoumaru was alive before Russia was even an idea for a country's name. Besides, he's the most powerful demon in the world and owns pretty much all of Japan with his wealth. Besides, Kiku-chan wouldn't make my Fluffy pathetic now, would he?" she said and batted her puppy eyes at the country sitting in the corner. Kiku cleared his throat nervously.

"Kagome-san, although the Sesshoumaru demon is a powerful demon in real life, he has to be trained and used as often as a regular Pokemon would." he pointed out. Kagome pouted and rolled onto her back on the floor of Kiku's house, staring up at the screen. America stayed on his belly, though he could almost see what Kagome was doing as he took a sip of his pepsi and a bite of his hamburger.

_Player FLUFFY used POISON WIP! It was super effective! _The screen quickly typed as the mini-Sesshoumaru hit Russia with his green whips. Kagome laughed in triumph as half of Russia's health points disappeared. America gaped at the screen and then at Kiku, demanding an explanation. Kiku sighed.

"Although he needs to be trained, the "Sesshoumaru" or "Fluffy", as Kagome named him, already starts out at level 50. All she needs to do is keep him battling and she'd be up to a higher level in no time." Kagome grinned.

"And I have been training him! He's level 84, already! Didn't you check _before_ you accepted to battle him?" she said and rolled back onto her stomach. America frowned, only just now checking the levels.

"No..." he mumbled. Kagome rolled her eyes.

"That's you're problem! Just because you're a hero doesn't mean you'll win all of your battles." she said.

_Player IVAN used SCARF! It was super effective!_ The screen read. Russia had wrapped his scarf around Sesshoumaru's neck and used it to strangle him, causing his HP to decrease to almost half of what it was. Kagome's mouth slackened and she stared angrily at the screen as Alfred laughed this time.

"Hahaha! But I'll definitely win this battle, Kaggy!" he declared. Neither of them noticed that Japan had left the room to hopefully find a better place to meditate.

"Don't count your pokemon before they hatch, dipwad!" Kagome said, smirking.

_Player FLUFFY used TOKIJIN! It was super effective!_ _Player RUSSIA was knocked unconscious! _The screen said and America groaned as Sesshoumaru's sword wiped down on Russia, taking him out of battle. "Where do you GET a move like that!"

"From a Wild Sesshoumaru!" Kagome replied, smirking as she switched her battle player. It was like pokemon, except you picked one main player and then the rest of the people/animals/demons etc. were your back up players. Kagome had Japan make the games on a whim and while she got the Inu-tachi version, America got the country version, where he could use the countries as his back up, which made him absolutely ecstatic...

_Trainer HERO picked player SWITZ!_

"_Get off of my land!" _Kagome laughed. "China, I choose you!"

_Trainer MIKO picked player CHINA!_

"_Prepare to lose, aru!"_

America stared at the screen. "Wait, how did YOU get China!" he said loudly, stuffing some fries in his mouth. Kagome snorted.

"You didn't think you were the only one with this game, did you? Let me tell you, Taiwan is devious! She had the country-version and she told me that she'd trade me level 66 China for Shippo! She's evviiiillllll~!" Kagome said, annoyed. "I mean, I know she's a Player Showcaser, not a Trainer and Shippo's my son and all, but any Player China above level 30 is really hard to come by!" America choked on his pepsi.

"You have a son!B-but, you're so young, man!And you don't look like you've had a kid, like, you're totally smexy! Who the hell's the dad?_" _he shouted, gaping at her. Kagome blushed brilliant red and flicked him right under Texas, on his nose. He yelped, jumping back.

"He's not really my kid! I took him in off the streets!" she hissed, glaring at him again. Suddenly the battle music on her DSi made her look down, only to drop her jaw.

_Player SWITZ used RIFLE! It was super effective! _The screen read as China's HP dropped by a lot. America laughed, but Kagome sported a Cheshire-like grin. "Don't get your hopes up!"

_Player CHINA used DOUBLE WOK! _The screen said as China rushed forward, hit Switzerland over the head with his wok and then again with a ladle, then jumped back. _It was super effective! _Switzerland's HP dropped below half and turned a warning yellow.

_Player CHINA used HELLO KITTY! _The screen said and the mini China stilled, holding up a Hello Kitty plushie in front of him. America frowned at the screen.

"Hey, how come you can go twice?" he asked, confused, as he picked another attack. Kagome shrugged.

"I dunno, maybe Kiku likes me better." she said.

"No way." America said grumpily as he viciously poked at the touch screen with his stylus.

_Player SWITZ used NEUTRALITY BARRIER! Player SWITZ'S defense was heightened! Player SWITZ used RIFLE! It wasn't very effective… _The screen said as America made his two moves. Said country frowned at the screen and China's HP only went down a little more, though it was enough to put him in the red.

"Not cool, yo! How come it's not as good!" He whined.

"_Because, _Hello Kitty is an advanced move that protects Player China when he gets hit 'cos the plushie takes most of the blow, or something like that." She shrugged.

_Trainer MIKO retracted Player CHINA! Trainer MIKO has brought out Player INUYASHA! "Keh!"_

_Player SWITZ used RIFLE! The attack missed! _The screen said and America cursed, colorfully. Kagome laughed maniacally, moving to her knees in excitement. "You are _so _screwed now, buddy! Rifle doesn't work on Inuyasha! Neither does any firearms attack, not even a canon! Battling with Russia-chan taught me that. It takes another demon to land a hit on Inuyasha or else it doesn't have any effect!" she giggled in excitement. America groaned, dropping his forehead onto the floor with a loud thump.

"And you tell me this now! You're so evil!" he said, pouting. Kagome shrugged, still grinning.

"Hey, I am ready to win at all costs, buddy! That's how I beat Russia!" she took a moment to smile at the memory.

_Player INUYASHA used WINDSCAR! It was super effective! Player SWITZ was knocked unconscious! _

The game announced and America cried out in indignation. "C'mon! Switzerland was one of my best players!" he quickly looked through his other players, cursing under his breath when he realized he hadn't taken his players to the virtual hospital to get their health restored before he battled with Kaggy. Switzerland, Russia and Germany were KO'd, England had half of his health and he only had one good player left besides Italy, and there was no way he'd win with him! America sighed, grumbling before grinning up at Kagome, who had been checking her own people.

She still had Sesshoumaru with half of his life, China with a tiny bit of life, and unharmed were Inuyasha, Sango, Miroku and herself. She frowned, picking Sango. She was level 59, good and dependable hopefully.

America bit back his grin as the next round started. Kaggy was so going down!

_Trainer MIKO sent out Player SANGO!_

"_Hiraikotsu!"_

_Trainer HERO sent out Player THEHERO! "I'm the hero!" _The screen said and Kagome frowned in confusion while America laughed, until his player appeared of course. She facepalmed. America's "Thehero" was himself. How subtle… read: **sarcasm. **They spent the next few minutes throwing arguments and insults at each other as they battled.

_Player THEHERO used PATRIOT! _The screen said as the mini America ran up to Sango and smacked her with an American flag on a pole. Kagome wondered how Kiku came up with this stuff.

_Player SANGO used HIRAIKOTSU! It was super effective!_

_Player THEHERO used ANNOYING LAUGH! "HAHAHA!" _"Okay, that was just mean of Japan!" Kagome only giggled in response.

_Player SANGO used KATANA! _

_Player THEHERO used EAGLE! _Kagome gaped at the screen as a random bald eagle from off screen flew over and scratched at Sango, making her fall over. "What the hell!" _It was super effective! Player SANGO was knocked unconscious! _

_Trainer MIKO sent out MIROKU!_

"_Hello, ladies!"_

_Player THEHERO used PATRIOT! It was super effective! _

_Player MIROKU used SHAKUJO!_

_Trainer HERO switched out THEHERO! Trainer HERO brought out Player IGGY!_

"_Flying Mint Bunny!"_

_Player MIROKU used CHARM! Player IGGY'S defense was lowered!_

Kagome started giggling, then fell to the ground in full blown laughter. America snorted, though he didn't know what was so funny.

"Oh, oh man," she managed to choke out between breaths, "charm is only supposed to work on **female **players because Miroku is a guy!" she started laughing again, rolling from side to side and America was choking on air.

"Oh god, don't tell me Kiku made all the players bi?" he chuckled, wiping a tear from his eye. Kagome giggled.

"I bet he did!" they both laughed some more. "I can't wait until I get France, he'll be a total wreck on the other players!" Kagome grinned. America rolled his eyes.

"Oh jeez, don't even talk about him! I know for a fact that he's bi." America said in a hushed tone, completely forgetting the game. Kagome looked at him, silently asking if he was serious. He elaborated.

"One time, I swear, France proposed to England!" he whispered as if someone could overhear. Kagome went wide eyed and stared at him in shock.

"No way! And he rejected him?" she asked, surprised, interested and a little disgusted. She only liked yaoi on fanfiction… America nodded.

"Totally! But, it was like, one of those political marriages. And Iggy ain't gay." He smirked. "Or at least that's what he keeps telling everyone. Never once have I heard or seen him with a woman, and he talks to make believe crap! I mean seriously, he was talking to captain hook, tinker bell and a unicorn." He deadpanned. Kagome frowned.

"Alfred, unicorns DO exist. Didn't you know? And so do the Loch Ness monster, the kraken, and chupacabras, they think they found one of those just recently." She pointed out, amused. "Go, it's your turn."

America groaned. "Don't tell me you believe in that junk too?" he said and poked at the screen without looking.

_Trainer HERO switched Player IGGY with Player ITALY! "Pastaaaa!"_

"Wait, what?" America said, only now looking down at the screen. Kagome rolled her eyes.

"Of course I believe in it, it's real. Haven't you ever heard of the unicorn deer, the unicorn cow, the unicorn-"

"I get it, ok?" he barked, trying to redo his turn. "Shit!"

_Player MIROKU used KAZAANA! It was super effective! Player ITALY was knocked unconscious! _

"Don't get nasty with me buster or I'll purify your sorry ass!" Kagome snapped, glaring at him.

"You can't purify me!"

"Yes I can, you're not technically human." America snorted.

"Just like a unicorn cow isn't technically a unicorn!"

"Why you-!"

_Trainer HERO brought out Player IGGY! _

"_Flying Mint Bunny!"_

Kagome growled. "You jerk! Don't cut me off like that!" she shouted and threw her DSi at his head, stomping off. She wasn't really that angry but it felt like their battle had been going on for too long.

America groaned, rubbed the spot where Kagome's black DSi had hit his ahoge and grumbled under his breath.

"Kags! What the hell was that for!"

"I DON'T KNOW!" she shouted and slammed the sliding door closed so hard it made the door break partially off of it's hinges.

Across town, Kiku snapped out of his meditation in the dojo. He felt a disturbance in the force...

**~!*!~**

**I choose you!**

**~!*!~**

MCD: TERRIBLE ENDING COMPLETE CRACK DON'TKILLMEEEEEE

hope you liked it ;)


End file.
